A whole new world - newfound Freedom!

I have officially quit Nteam / Nat Squad on Friday.

The thought of quitting has been lingering on my brain for the longest time every now and then - whether it was not performing up to expectations (internally and externally) or purely because training was too tiring / time consuming and I just can't afford to give my 100% to everything that I'm committed to at the moment, which is something that I really hate. I think it is innate that I give my 200% to things that I really like - be it effort, time or energy.

I've really thought about it very very seriously in the past few months and realised that going for trainings no longer make me happy. I'm always dragging myself to the gym, or to Pandan on weekends, trying to rush everything just so that I can turn up for trainings on time. Work became so stressful because I don't have enough time to do / finish things that I want to, because I need to make time for class and trainings. While I want to go for all the trainings, I also want to do well at work and learning new things become impossible when you don't put in extra time and effort. And I can't even afford it. I become damn tired everyday because I reach home at 12midnight almost everyday and trying to wake up early to go to work is almost impossible. So why should I put myself through all these and what do I want to get out of this at the end of the day.

I realised I wanted to go for trainings last time because of the people there. Going for training makes me happy and feels like there's a purpose in life - or maybe just because there wasn't any other better things to do at those points of time. Seeing myself grow after going through trainings and competitions gave me the sense of satisfaction that kept me going. But as I grew older, I realise polo is no longer the priority. Partly also because people's attitudes and polotics really turns me off and just makes me want to shut myself out of those mess and do things that I really want to do. With work + trainings + study, my social life outside polo is almost zero. I don't even meet my friends / go out with colleagues because I'm either too tired or too busy.

I don't really care if people judge why I'm quitting now or why the sudden announcement that I'm quitting. Maybe cos I don't show very obvious "symptoms" like skipping trainings etc because I'm the all-in or all-out. People ask why no "notice period" haha. If i decide to quit, then why should I go for more trainings? There's no purpose.

Maybe this was my mini quarter-life crisis, but I can only say that I feel really really really happy and relieved after quitting. It is really a whole new world to me and the newfound freedom really makes me so excited about what I can do with this extra blocks of time that I gain every week! I can FINALLY sleep in on Saturday mornings after X years of training at Pandan, without worrying or feeling stressed that I will be late for trainings on Sat mornings. I don't need to make myself stare at the super bright sun on Sat mornings and worrying that my passes are bad cos I can't see, and end up having super painful eyes on weekends from staring at the sun. I can do whatever I want on Sundays, without worrying that I need to leave house at 1pm for trainings. I don't need to worry about feeling damn tired after Sunday trainings and whether I can finish my work on Sunday nights. I don't need to rush like a mad cow during work hours just to complete my work by 6.30pm so that I can reach training on time and not be a burden because I'm late, especially on days that we had to run 5km.

But of course, polo is not just all bad like what i complained above. I think I was just too tired from everything in the past few months/years and wanted to have a change. I was so comfortable previously - too comfortable being busy that I didn't think whether it was truly what I wanted or enjoyed. Or i just chose to not think about it because it was still bearable and such a big change really needs courage.

Polo has taught me many things in the past 10 or 11 years.
Persistence and Determination - going back to the gym every week even when you feel like dying after every session, going to Pandan every weekend even though its so hard to crawl out of bed in the morning and you really really hate rowing to the bridge but you know its good for you eventually.
Friendship - Had many friends in polo and i'm closer to some of them more than anyone else in this world. But it also showed me how childish / selfish / weird some people can be.
Passion - I really salute the seniors who are in this sport for so much longer than I am. I still like playing polo, but I think I should only play at a Recre level now haha.

And I just want to thank those who helped me in one way or the other when I was training in Nteam for the past 6 years esp Koach who always tries to help me and never given up on me despite how cui I was at times. It was the hardest to break the news to him haha.

Now that I'm a free bird, looking forward to my new life and hurray to longer sleep hours and a happier life!

1 Year Anniversary

Many things have happened since the last time I posted.

Graduated. Started working. Took a polo break (I still can't believe it that I actually took a break). Ok not a complete break but at least 90% decrease in trainings.

Work. Never expected to be doing what I am doing now. Fun but tiring. But sometimes, also made me think if this is really what I want to do for my career. Somehow the word career still sounds very daunting to me. Time really flies when I'm working. Somehow I've already worked for one year. But this one year was also very very tiring. I wonder how much longer I can last at this rate. Maybe I should conserve some energy. And we won awards today! So work is not just about eating. Hahaha.

Polo. Not sure where I should go from here. We will take one step at a time and see. People always said that polo is family. Is polo really family? Organising the competition made me see both ways. I'm grateful for a team who worked very hard and helped each other a lot a lot to make the event a successful one. And on the other hand, I also saw selfish people who don't see the works behind the scenes and only wanted things to happen in their favour. I really hope these people will take up the role of organising future competitions, and maybe they will understand the pain of the organising committee, and they will understand why the organising committee changes every year. And from the very beginning, before we even started organising this, I've believed that the federation should more responsibilities in organising this event. But oh wells. People always say, we must help for the sport to grow. But its always the same few people helping, that sometimes I really feel that its just unfair. But its all over. I'm not meddling into organising in the next 10 years at least. I shall go back to being a player, an alumni, and enjoy playing the sport.

I miss my young self, where I could do things without thinking so much. Idk where I got all those energy last time when I could survive on 3 hours of sleep a day. These days.. I can't even wake up with 6 hrs of sleep. Hurhur. Ok time to sleep.

Trip to Hong Kong

After World Champs in Normandy last year, we went to Hong Kong for Asian Champs this year!

I'm glad that we emerged first and became the champion of Asia. I saw how hard the seniors fought to clinch the title, which makes me want to train harder, be better and be part of the 8 that play for the medal. Every trip makes me more motivated to train harder. I'll train harder so that i can play in Italy next year whoosh! Being the TM for the team this year, I could understand why it was tiring for the captains when there are no TMs around. I hope i helped to relieve some stress and workload for them while they concentrated on the games during that few days. I also made many friends and met many nice people who offered help willingly whenever i need, and made the effort to speak english/chinese to me cos i can't speak cantonese at all. 

And of course, once again I yoloed and toured HK. It was tiring but fun! We went Ocean Park, Disneyland, Macau, Victoria Peak, Lantau Island and ate tons of awesome and cheap food! (and not forgetting our 1k bill of cute food that didn't taste nice LOL). 

I've also liberated myself this trip and i'm glad i did it so that i can move on in life and focus on other stuff instead of thinking of it all day.

I'll miss the long walks on Nathan Road every night and eating cha ye dan in the morning/night just below our accoms. I'll miss the non-hazy weather there, and of course the pretty night views. 

But for now, it's back to the pile of work that accumulated over the past 2 weeks. Jiayou whoosh!

Missing the sunsets and sunrises.

I want to go for intertidal walks again.

But polo is eating up all my time.

Trip to Normandy/Paris

Have always wanted to revive the blog with nature stuff but I guess I don't have the time for that.

Been busy with school and trainings and whatnots.

This trip to Normandy has definitely widened my vision, reignited my passion and refueled my determination. I think I can understand why people train so hard and fight so hard to be in the Top 8 or to be in the team, to go there to play against the stronger opponents. Those people there are really much different from those that we see in Singapore. I'm glad that I got the chance to be exposed and seen this at such an early (?) age.

Weather was cold but we fought hard. I think this is the first time we were so focused in polo. First time we felt like we are full-time/world-class athletes with little kids my height running to us for our signatures. Felt so cool and awesome. Watching the best players up close from all over the world congregating in a small town, displaying their skills and awing the spectators; small movements that can never be seen through videos; experience that can never be expressed in words. Makes me want to train harder, be a better player, and come back to meet these people again. But for now, I just want to improve my skills, my fitness and be a better player.

Paris was a nice place, but i guess it's not a place for me. There's nothing much to do other than shopping and eating. Never understood why branded goods are so appealing to people. I was wowed when I saw people/families spending money on those like as though they were buying groceries. Perhaps i'll only understand this a few years later. Disneyland was fun, but I concluded that I don't like to travel in big groups. And i concluded that museums and art works don't really appeal to me. Although the zoo and the aquarium were not as big/diverse as the others that i've seen, I still enjoyed it the most. The zoo was especially clean and spacious. The aquarium had a mixture of stuff that I didn't expect. And of course the great company that I had was awesome (:

Missing the time I had in Normandy, where I loved warming up in the cold weather, but hated going down into the freezing water. Playing polo in such cold temperatures were fun cos it makes me want to paddle faster and I don't feel the sore or fatigue in the water. BUT out of water it's another matter.

I don't regret spending so much time and money there. I hope that my tiny brain can capture and remember every single moment that I've experienced there and churn them into sources of motivation for the next few years of my life.

#backtoreality

For now, I need to catch up with school work and train harder.

Blog Revival

I haven't been blogging for the last 2-3 years but i've decided to revive this blog!

Many things happened in the last few years. Went for many field trips and worked at different places. Made many new friends and learnt a lot of new things! There are many things that I want to do now and one of it is to revive this blog! I shall try to blog at least once a month! :)

I'm currently a freshman in the BES programme in NUS! :) 2 weeks of school has passed. There were ups and downs but i'm definitely looking forward to the next 4 years in NUS.

I've lots of photos from previous field trips which I didnt blog about and I've been slacking off and didn't take photos for many of the field trips recently. But i think that photos are good records and will be useful (i hope) in the future so I shall have the discipline to bring my camera around in the future!

PS. I shall blog again SOON.

Basic Insect Identification from Insect Survey

Yay! I'm finally blogging. I realised i haven't been blogging for more than half a year. I was busy + lazy. Haha.

We went to Semakau to a land survey on insects and spiders some time ago last month. So after we caught those little creatures from the forest, Tammy and Ms Wang taught us how to ID the insects! (i was too lazy to take pictures so no pictures ): shall put in the pictures slowly when i take pictures of them next time :D)

And so, we started from the Orders that are commonly seen.

Order Orthoptera
- Have enlarged hind legs (those that can hop!)
- E.g. Grasshopper, cricket, katydid

Order Hemiptera 
- Front part of forewings hardened, back of forewings is membranous (Have a big 'X' on its back)
- Long, sucking mouth parts
- E.g. True bugs including hoppers

Order Coleoptera
- Entire forewing is hardened, folded over hindwing
- Hindwing hidden
- E.g. Lady bug

Order Blattaria
- Head is hidden under the pronotum
- E.g. Cockroach!

Order Lepidoptera
- Wings covered with scales
- E.g. Butterflies (club-shaped antenna) and Moths (Hairy/furry antenna)

Order Diptera
- 1 pair of wings
- Reduced hind wings for balancing called halteres
- E.g. Houseflies, Mosquitoes

Order Hymenoptera
- Membranous wings
- Narrow waist
- E.g. Bees, Wasps, Ants

Order Odonata
- Both pairs of wings are not coupled
- E.g. Dragonfly, Damselfly

Order Phasmida
- Resemble plant parts
- E.g. Stick insect, Leaf insect

Order Neuroptera
- Wings are net-like or nerve-like
- E.g. Lacewings

Hopefully i can remember them soooooooooooooooooon. Hehehehe.